Passing Through Suffering on the Path to Joy and Compassion
- Amy M. Toney
- Aug 13, 2023
- 4 min read
Updated: Mar 2, 2024
According to the World Health Organization (2023), approximately 280 million people in the world have depression. Depression and/or feelings of hopelessness, despair, and the sense of hanging on by the skin of one’s teeth profoundly impact humans and humanity. Hope and joy may seem incredibly elusive to anyone suffering. Yet, what if our suffering is the exact thing that could lead us to hope and joy?
Buddhist psychology and language place great emphasis on outlook (also known as reframing or cognitive reframing). Instead of bitterness and resentment over one’s suffering, what if the thought was reframed thus changing the way you see the world? Reframing can liberate one from resentment, bitterness, hopelessness, and despair creating inner freedom. Freedom for joy and hope to emerge. The 14th and current Dalai Lama (Callahan & Psihoyos, 2021) says you can look at life or any situation in life and think about how bad it is and how sad it is. Yet, you can also look at it from another angle. You can look at the exact same life or situation in life and think about how it gives a new opportunity to learn.
“The thing is not: ‘How do you escape?’ It’s ‘How can I use this as something positive?’" - Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Mission: Joy, 2021
You are a masterpiece in the making and no masterpiece is without challenge, hard-fought struggles, and/or suffering. The learnings and lessons in life which can come from our sufferings not only help us to reclaim our personal power but can develop our compassion for self and others fertilizing the earth for hope, joy, and love to grow.
“...some suffering, maybe even intense suffering, is a necessary ingredient for developing compassion.” - Archbishop Desmond Tutu, Mission: Joy, 2021
What are some ways to relieve suffering and cultivate compassion for self and others?
Acts of Kindness for Others
Acts of kindness for others have been found to increase the happiness not only of the person receiving the act of kindness but of the person extending the act of kindness. According to Author and Professor Dr. Sonia Lyubomirksy (Callahan & Psihoyos, 2021), the person extending an act of kindness towards others experiences changes in RNA gene expression in the blood which is associated with a healthier immune profile.
Nurture Your Mind
Well-being and compassion can grow through daily meditation. Meditation tones and
strengthens the mind much like exercising tones and strengthens our muscles. Devoting
the same amount of time to meditation each day as you would to brushing your teeth nurtures the mind. If more people devote time to nurturing their minds in this manner, the more hope, joy, love, and compassion cultivated in the world.
Get Curious About Your Emotions
When an emotion arises, get curious about it. What is coming up now? Why is it coming up now? This emotion is a piece of information. This emotion may also result in a feeling which is how you experience the emotion; your reaction as a result of the emotion. Whatever is coming up, be gentle with yourself. If a feeling is resulting from the emotion, note it. If an inner belief, cultural belief, and/or societal belief is coming up for you in relation to the emotion - note it. If an inner judgment, cultural judgment, and/or societal judgment is coming up for you in relation to the emotion, take note. Feelings, beliefs, and judgments about emotions are separate from the emotion itself. Be present with the emotion itself and bring in outlook (or cognitive reframing). Ask yourself: What is this emotion teaching me? What can I learn from this emotion? How can I use this emotion and information as something positive?
Dr. Richard Davidson, Author and Professor at the University of Wisconsin-Madison states: “Well-being is a skill and a skill that can enable us to have a happier life” (Callahan & Psihoyos, 2021). Ultimately, seeking joy from the outside world - a new car, a big house, a powerful title, is a failing pursuit of joy and happiness and isn’t a practice in strengthening the skill of well-being. You may experience a brief burst of joy but it will fade. You, and your inner world, are where you can find joy. It’s ok if you’re not able to tap into this inner place of joy right now. It's ok if you're not able to take your suffering and find the learning in it right now or able to see the opportunity in your suffering right now to use it as something positive. Be gentle with yourself. Gentle and patient allowing of the cognitive reframing to click, rather than forcing it, and practicing the three steps above, will aid in the emergence of hope, love, well-being, and ultimately compassion and joy.
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Self-compassion and self-belonging create positive ripple effects across your life which spreads to compassion and belonging for others and positive ripple effects across the lives of many. Discover clarity and live life true to you welcoming positive ripple effects across your life (and the lives of many) with Harmoniously Herself™ transformational coaching! 💗
References
Callahan, P., & Psihoyos, L. (Directors). (2021). Mission: Joy - Finding Happiness in Troubled Times
[Film]. Voices4Freedom, The Film Collaborative, John Templeton Foundation, Artemis Rising
Foundation, and Diamond Docs.
World Health Organization (2023, March 31). Depressive disorder (Depression). Retrieved August 13,
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Harmoniously Herself™ Transformational Coaching by Amy M. Toney International is here to support conscious clarity for women empowering compassion, love, clarity, self-belonging, self-discovery, self-confidence, self-worth, and self-illumination 💖
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